Want to know a little secret about creating change?
Sometimes when we’re looking to change something in our life the focus is in the wrong direction. It seems obvious and natural to put all your focus and effort into what you are trying to create, the vision you want to turn into reality, the change you are aiming for.
Whilst it is really important to have clarity about what you do want in life, when that vision never seems to get any closer it may be that you are missing one important piece… are your needs being met? Are any secondary gains keeping you where you are?
What Are Secondary Gains?
You’re frustrated with an aspect of your life. You are trying to create change but struggling to make it happen. Where you are right now is making you miserable, yet you feel stuck. That can all be due to secondary gains.
These are often deep rooted, fundamental needs that your current situation, as painful and frustrating as it may be, is providing for you. This is often the part of creating positive change that’s missed. If the change you are trying to create is taking you away from those needs, or taking you towards something you’re not ready to face, you will keep sabotaging your efforts to change.
In essence – is there an advantage to things staying as they are?
Let’s look at some examples to show you what I mean:
You have a business or life goal:
Maybe you have an ambition to start your own business, but you can’t quite leave you current job. Are there any benefits to staying where you are? This could be financial security, structure to your day, social interaction, a known job description and level of responsibility etc..
It’s not always about what you will lose. Ask yourself, is there anything you are able to avoid by staying employed? Leaving and going it alone means you’ll have to step up and put yourself out there. Putting your money where your mouth is, so to speak, justify your decisions to friends or loved ones
You have a health issue you are trying to resolve:
Perhaps you have a condition that you know you can heal from but nothing you try seems to work, or you never manage to stick to habits that will help you become healthy and well again. If you take a moment and reflect on things honestly, is there something your current situation gives you that deep down you are scared of losing if things changed?
Do you get lots of visits from friends who look out for you? Does your current situation mean you don’t have to go into the office and back to a job you hate? Does your illness stop you from having to do something you’re not ready to face yet?
Unless you resolve these secondary gains and ensure those needs will still be met once you are well again, your subconscious will keep ensuring you stay exactly where you are.
Useful questions to determine any hidden benefits to your current situation:
If you are struggling to break away from your old life and into the one of your dreams, dig deep and have an honest conversation with yourself about possible Secondary Gains. Here are some questions you can use to help to process..
- The upside of staying in this current situation is….?
- If I make the changes I want in my life I will lose…?
- What will I have to do or face up to if I create this change?
- What am I trying to avoid by resisting change?
- I want things to stay the same because..?
The power of understanding secondary gains when creating change
By asking these questions and reflecting on the benefits of things staying the way they are, you bring a new level to your awareness.
Now as you work towards your goals you can make adjustments or changes that ensure you are still meeting those needs you identify.
With the example of leaving your job, perhaps you have a chat with your employer about going part time to less that financial stress. Or maybe you find a coaching group that can help you make the transition to becoming self-employed and give you a new sense of comradery.
For the second example of a health concern, you can plan in strategies to ensure you still have regular meet-ups with friends. Or you might find a class or group you can get involved with that helps you recover as well as supporting your need for socialisation.
Creating change quickly and simply with PSYCH-K®.
Sometimes it can be hard to see the resistance in yourself and identify it. Maybe you know the need your current situation is providing but you can’t find a solution to help support that need in your new life. That’s where PSYCH-K® can help.
By asking your subconscious directly we can uncover any secondary gains that may be preventing you from moving forwards in life.
You can also install the beliefs which ensure those needs will be met in your new future. Or discover the beliefs you need that mean any fears about creating change are no longer keeping you trapped.
If you want to find out more about how PSYCH-K® can help you, book in a clarification call and we can answer any questions you have.